It’s amazing what you’ll find masquerading as antiques these days. Wander into any junk shop and there are Soda Streams, Ker-Plunks, Showaddywaddy LPs and even ‘phone cards. But like many things telephone related, it’s something you’ll have to explain to “the yoof of today”.

The ‘phone card was a credit card sized piece of plastic with a chip on it. You could buy them in different values and once you shoved it in a public payphone you could use it instead of cash. At some point, BT – or whoever produced them – started manufacturing ‘phone cards with different pictures on them – such as Queen albums – so collectors have been snapping them up ever since. So here are a few other ‘phone terms that those pesky kids won’t know about…

Evenings and weekends

Well actually many mothers probably still use this line: “If you need to use my telephone, it’s cheaper at evenings and weekends!” But as kids never use landlines they won’t be aware of this concept. You always knew when it was 6pm in our house as the ‘phone would never stop ringing with every aged aunt in existence ‘phoning up.

Dial-a-Disc

Yes, there was a time when you could ‘phone a number (usually listed at the front of a BT ‘phone book) and listen to the latest songs from the “hit parade”. You could also dial numbers that told you what was on at the cinema. You could even dial numbers that told you what was happening in your favourite TV show or what your favourite movie star or pop star was up to. These days of course, if you want to find out what Justin Bieber is doing, you just follow him on Twitter or keep an eye on the rolling news channels for his latest arrest.

Engaged

If you try to ‘phone somebody and they’re already on the ‘phone, what happens? Well, these days – whether it’s landline or mobile – you’ll be redirected straight to voicemail. However, back in “olden times” you’d be met with a very speedy “beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep” which was very annoying. I should imagine if a “teen” came across that noise today they’d think it was a lorry reversing or something.

Speed Dial

You knew whether or not you were important to someone if you looked at their telephone and saw your name written on their “speed dial list”. This was where you would programme certain numbers into the ‘phone. You could have one ‘phone number for each number on the dial pad. So mum & dad could be #1, your sister could be #2, etc. Of course these days you just search the contacts list on your mobile and hit the person’s name. Or some people can even shout at their mobile, “’Phone Mum!” and it will do exactly that! A similar list could be kept by ‘phone companies such as BT and was called something like, “Friends & Family”. This would be where your most used numbers would go on a list and you could call those numbers cheaper. Sometimes if you couldn’t decide which numbers to include on the list, a helpful BT employee would look at your statistics and tell you which numbers you call most. This was where the sad truth of your lifestyle would be exposed and the numbers most called by yourself would be revealed as Perfect Pizza, Taxifast and the Inland Revenue.

“The Bucket Residence – The Lady of the House Speaking”

Anyone who has ever seen Keeping Up Appearances (something else you’ll need to explain to a teenager), will be familiar with Hyacinth’s line, “I’m calling you from my white slimline telephone with last number redial". Last number redial (usually denoted by the helpful initials “LNR”) was a button you could press when you wanted to try calling a number again if it was engaged. This could cause much confusion if you tried a number that was engaged, then unbeknownst to you someone else dialled a number. Of course you return to the telephone, hit “LNR” and get through to some complete stranger (probably someone your partner is having an affair with).

Phone Box

This was a red construction on street corners containing a payphone. They usually had their little windows smashed to smithereens and smelled of cigarette ends and urine. Quite often the payphone itself didn’t work. An example of how unreliable phone boxes could be can be seen in the John Cleese film, “Clockwise”. There are still some phone boxes in existence and they’re quite handy for taking temporary shelter from the rain. Rather than being nice and red, they tend to be somewhat dull plastic, metal and glass affairs. However, these days they can be used for emailing and payment can be made by using credit & debit cards. You would probably need to go head-hunting at NASA to find someone with the technical knowhow that would enable them to show you how to operate the payphone.

Pagers

The pager was a small device about the size of a pencil rubber. If someone wanted to get hold of you and you weren’t answering your home or workphone, they would dial your pager. It would bleep or vibrate in your pocket. You’d then dial a number to find out who it was and probably ignore it. Unless you were a doctor. In fact, doctors in hospitals may actually still use them. But most have probably got around to texting. At least their texts can’t be any worse than their handwriting.

Is _______ There…?

It does seem odd today that it wasn’t so long ago that if you wanted to call your friend, you had to ring their house number and ask their dad, “Is Andrew there please?” You would then hear a brief silence followed by a bellowing father shouting, “ANDREWWWWW! Phone!” “Who is it?” “I dunno. That friend of yours. Don’t be too long. Mum says your tea will be ready in 5 minutes”. Most conversations would then start with you saying, “I don’t think your dad likes me”. “Don’t worry, he’s like that with everyone”, etc. These days of course, you would just text your friend. Of course you wouldn’t ‘phone them! Nobody actually ‘phones anyone these days, silly.

Mogwai

Yes, there was a time when we didn’t have the pleasure of instantly being connected to the internet. We had to drag a long lead from our computer to the 'phone socket. This would mean that not only was the landline out of action for the night but also that you had to hear what sounded like the Mogwai from the Gremlins movie singing at you while you got connected to the World Wide Web. Cue cries from your parents of, "Are you on the internet again?! Don't be too long! I'm expecting a call from your gran!" Etc.