“Putting together the pipelines”, “Good capital allocation”, “Culture of ownership”, “Flexible use of financial assets”, “Productive science”, “Opportunity to domicile”, “Putting together the headcount”. Can we stop now? This isn’t just any old meaningless gibberish. This is business jargon.

And it’s not just any old business jargon. According to the BBC, these are just a few of the phrases used by Ian Read – the Chief Executive of Pfizer – when he addressed MPs at a committee recently. Understandably at one point, the committee chairman responded to one of these utterings with the withering phrase; “I asked a simple question”.

Hideous

Business jargon is a hideous trait that affects many. Sadly we’ve all heard phrases such as: “Thinking outside the box”, “Square the circle”, “Walk the walk and talk the talk” and so on. We’ve all sat in meetings while people talk gibberish. We’ve all attended conferences where we struggle to stay awake while someone not only talks nonsense but does it whilst accompanied by a Powerpoint presentation. So if the majority despise it, why are some people still using it?

There could be many reasons. Firstly it could be simply an effort to impress: “Look at me! Aren’t I clever? Rather than use plain English, I can use lots of words and some of them are really long!” Er … no. We’d rather you talked properly. That way, this meeting will be over quicker and we can all go and do some proper work.

Rubbish

It could also simply be a case of reinforcing the feeling of belonging. If you join a company where everyone spouts rubbish, you may well feel you have to join in just to show you can do it too. But where does all this vile babbling come from? Some believe it may have been stolen from the armed forces and then contorted.

We’ve often heard suited persons talk of “rallying troops”, “following the leader”, “keeping your powder dry”, etc. However, even in the military, where bizarre phrases can crop up, their use can be shot down by common sense. One story tells of how during World War II, an American colonel referred to “ICPs”. The British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill asked what ICPs were and was informed that it stood for “Impaired combatant personnel”. Churchill informed the colonel that he never wanted to hear “that detestable phrase again” and requested, “If you are talking about British troops, you will refer to them as wounded soldiers”.

Stop It

Whatever the reasons and whatever its origins, it’s quite clear that the majority of sane, law-abiding citizens can’t stand hearing it. Logically, the Plain English bods have weighed in with regards to Mr Read and stated that in any company “its use can accelerate alarmingly until some brave person stands up and says: ‘This is nonsense. Stop it’.” We quite agree.

Hideous

Rubbish

Stop It

To see the original BBC article, please click here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-27512405